Relationships · Society

Redefining what it means to be a man


Its Father’s Day, a day when people go online and post about how their fathers have shaped their lives, toiled for them, given them what they never had themselves and how they have been there for them. It might be true and it might be a farce given that social media promotes the culture of pretense. But on a positive more lighter note, its good to see what other people view as good fatherhood. Its good to see that there is something greater than #deadbeatdads motivating young men out there to be better men. There are people who have grown up without fathers or mothers and do not get to glorify in these days set aside for parents. Some were a little lucky to have father and mother figures who have allowed them to participate in the fathers day and mothers day hashtags when they crop up. But after all the posting is said and done, what can people draw from all this. Its something despite being designated a day should be marked throughout in action. In the spirit of making an impact that matters its good to put Father’s Day into perspective.

Many dads now will probably not enjoy the attention since men shy away from public displays of affection but they will enjoy the lunch date to go grab a beer and talk to their kids about what is going on in their lives. Others will just be content to spend a lazy Sunday home after going to Church with the whole family. Others still will just be more than happy to know the school fees is paid and the home is fully stocked for the next one month or week. Others yet have pregnant girlfriends and this just acts as a reminder that more responsibilities are on the way and its time to step up to the plate. There are also others who will feel their “biological clocks” ticking and know its time to stop playing, settle down and start a family. But in all these scenarios, those looking up to the trailblazers are not in the least bit encouraged by what they see ahead.

Men keep complaining that the boy child has been neglected. After years of boys being appraised, girls and their growth took center stage at the beginning of the 21st Century, much to the chagrin of the male populous who might feel left out of the bandwagon. This has culminated to more girls in schools and more graduating and joining the workforce compared to the male child. So as women create mentorship programs and sensitize their own, men have not stepped up to the plate to do the same. The effect of this, a whole bunch of new generation guys who think its okay to be irresponsible, wayward, rude and downright childish. Before I go on, I would like to say that not all guys in the millenial age bracket fit this description and I am only speaking about it because majority of girls out there have encountered one and its clearly something akin to an epidemic that should be discussed. I have seen the likes of Biko with his Whisky dads something and Caroline Mutoko’s vlog on youtube talk about this key issue. Father’s day should not just be a day to celebrate dads who did right but also speak up about what is ailing our society on men NOT doing it right. Its about time the society asked ourselves what is happening such that so many young men out there have no sense of being a good man, are being brought up by single mums, why divorce is on the rise or why so many cases of domestic violence are being reported every year. Despite there being three sides to every story, I believe one way to fix this is to encourage more men to help the young understand that being a man is so much more than an ego and height.

Just like every man defines himself and every woman defines herself, there are some virtues that would do well to be instilled in kids as they grow up. Don’t be a single mother that raises her son to view men as the scum of the earth as they will grow up expecting to fail and fall into this categorization. Rather bring up your kid to understand the importance of humility, respect and loving others as yourself. Dads should also not show their kids fear, because they will grow up demanding it of their children and what a culture to propagate to the next generations. I’m inspired by the beautiful stories of people who view their dads as the heroes in their lives and it warms my heart.

As people wish Father’s Day to their fathers and father figures, Im hoping its not just to fit in with the latest trend of the day. Let it come from the heart and let it speak the truth and let it be something that a young person will see and aspire to be for their kids in the future.

Happy Father’s Day




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