Sitting on the cool chair in the verandah and observing the skyline, she relieved it all. The past 10years flashed before her eyes. A tear caught at her throat… she felt mercurial about it. The events of that decade feeling unreal. Like they were part of another’s life and not her own. The life was peaceful. It was secure. Why then did she feel it inadequate? The sounds of the frogs bringing her back to reality. The dog barked and the sense of home flooded all her senses. She was her, in this quiet place, with nature, her two children and the help and it was with that thought she wore a tired smile.
She tried reading, that was the one thing she always had , the memories kept haunting her. She missed those days, she missed him, she missed the passion. How her life had come to this was in retrospect remain a mystery. The world suddenly felt caving in. Maybe because this was a shadow of what she hoped would be her life.
His betrayal, his love… it changed everything. She could not believe she was here without him and he did not think of her. He had brought life and then robbed it.
She knew all this because she had changed, she understood the change, its cause.
The night was getting curious and she suddenly felt exposed. Shuddering with a fear, gathered herself up and made for the door. Always afraid he would know, would be listening, would be coming. How crazy. She wondered if she had choosen the path of aggression other than submission…wondered whether love would still be here with her. She changed for him and his love felt gone…
Weary, she climbed the stairs and went up to her room. Lying on the left side of the bed as always she whispered her constant prayer and shut the world out… she was home.