Relationships · Thoughts & REFLECTIONS

In pursuit ….

Dating should come with a manual, a guidebook on how to do it right. Because many are the times you will wrong the person you love. Tear wounds deep in their hearts you don’t know how you will put them right. You pray that your love is stronger than any adversity and you will judge each other by your present.

It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt….for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it is so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You are left so alone you can’t explain.
Damn, there is nothing like that…. is there? Iv been there…and you have too… you’re nodding your head.
You find yourself asking…. if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?? …
Being one of those girls who does not let anyone in, who takes time to accept, choosing with precise caution …. I only find the long term worthy. Wanting a peaceful mature relationship where you can rise above everything and still smile together at the end of the day because you have been through it all and more.
But…. you can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit infront of someone …not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart ….you feel like you have known the person forever ….sometimes …. connections are made with the heart ….not the tongue.

In the end ….
We are all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person…. just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way …and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complimentary way. But it takes alot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems …the ones that make you who you truly are …that we are ready to find a life long mate.
Only then do you finally know what you are looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person …but not just any wrong person….someone you lovingly gaze upon and think….”this is the problem I want to have”
I will find(think I already have) that special person who is wrong for me…. in just the right way …
And I will let our scars fall in love

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8 thoughts on “In pursuit ….

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