Universal emotions and experiences, like love, hate, pain, happiness … rejection. As long as you have experienced any living in this life you have gone through rejecting and being rejected. Its like one of the engines that turns the wheels of life. Whether from a job, family, a loved one, school..It is sharp and distinct, especially if you are the recipient of the rejection. Like a stab by a thorn on your foot or the bite of a snake, you know the pain has arrived and something in your system prepares for the real pain. The one you always know is coming the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you’ve built up through decades of friction with the world.
And most people avoid talking about their rejection because we have labeled it ugly. Something to be ashamed of. Something that is not worth talking about because other people are unable to relate to your experience, whether because of pity, envy or simple foreignness. There is a beauty to that because the experience will drift from your life as a result of your lack of acknowledgement, until the memory itself feels out of place, no longer having a place to land in your soul…I guess that is how you heal.
“He was a big deal, he had power. He made me feel safe…at first. Like nothing bad could happen to me because I was under his protection. why do we do any of the messed up things that we do and tell ourselves that its okay? Who we think we are and who we turn out to be…are they ever the same? The best we can hope for is another day to try and get it right…rejection…no matter its ugliness, gives us this chance”
Rejection is also a state of exhaustion inspired by an act of senseless violence, which forces you to revise your image of what can happen in this world, mending the fences of your expectations, weeding out invasive truths, cultivating the perennial good that’s buried under the surface, before propping yourself up in the middle of it like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless to do anything but stand there and watch. Because you can’t change another human’s thoughts. You just have to accept it. At that moment it feels like your life is flashing before your eyes, but its actually the opposite, you’re thinking forward, to all the things you haven’t done, the places you intent to visit, the goals you’ll get around to…to all the “could-have-beens”. And you can wish all you want, because life is a game of chance. And each passing day is another flip of the coin. Who can blame you for wanting to be there when it lands?